I Swear This Time I Mean It
by jackbarakitty
Summary: A Calzona fanfic occurring after 9x24, following the aftermath of Arizona's affair. Title card: I Swear This Time I Mean It by Mayday Parade
1. Chapter 1

Thick eyelashes and heavy eyelids fluttered gently open. Ocean like blue eyes were greeted by the constant movement of the ceiling fan overhead. Arizona Robbins sat up, lifting her leg over the edge of the couch, her heavy grey blanket falling to her the floor at her foot. She hunched over, cradling her head in her hands, her blonde hair falling in a tousled mess over her arms. Sleep was the only retreat she had from the hell that had become her life. The hell that she herself had created. She reached down beside her, lifting her prosthetic leg from the floor and attaching it to the stump where her leg used to be. She sighed, wiping away a tear that was threatening to slide down her face. Waking up was the worst. For one brief moment every morning, she was able to forget about her mistakes and her missing leg and believe that things were still okay and right. Then, cold reality would set in, bringing along with it a weighty, empty feeling in the pit of her stomach. She forced herself to get off the couch, folding the blanket neatly and setting it at the end of the couch. She made her way to the kitchen, preparing a pot of coffee, resting her elbows on the marble counter top as she waited for it to finish.

The door to the master bedroom creaked open and Callie groggily padded toward the kitchen, giving Arizona a quick once over. Callie's dark eyes met Arizona's stunningly blue ones for just a moment before Arizona anxiously averted her eyes, nervous for today's nasty comments, shouting matches and bouts of endless tears from the both of them. The distinctive, strong smell of coffee filled the apartment as the pot bubbled to completion. Arizona poured herself a cup, adding copious amounts of sugar to the mug. The sugar brought back memories of her first encounter with Lauren, the other half of the reason things were so bad.

_"That's my coffee you're way over sugaring," Arizona remembered her saying. She had looked up, her eyes slowly travelling over the body of the other woman until their eyes met. It had felt as if she'd been locked in a gaze with her, unable to tear her eyes away._

Who would have known that one quick, flirty encounter at the coffee cart would have led to a steamy night in the on call room? A steamy, sweaty, hot night in the on call room. One that Arizona would never forget, no matter how much she wished she could. It wasn't even a full night. It was two hours at the most. Two hours of Lauren's hands and lips going to places that Callie's had only gone to maybe twice in the last year. Arizona shuddered at the memory, pulling herself out of her reverie and moving out of Callie's way so that her wife could get a cup of coffee as well.

Arizona observed Callie's body language carefully, trying to gauge today's mood and level of anger and bitterness. She sipped her coffee carefully, trying not to allow the steaming liquid to scald her tongue too badly. She cleared her throat, preparing to ask a question and readying herself for any snappy remarks that might follow it.

"So... are we riding to the hospital together today?"

Callie paused, her lips pursed. The spoon she had been using to stir her coffee was gripped tightly in her hand for a moment, she got the urge to throw it in a sudden and overwhelming wave of rage. She snorted, finishing stirring the coffee and tossing the metal spoon in the sink, the clattering of metal on metal resonating throughout the apartment.

"Maybe you should see if Lauren will give you a ride."

Callie's eyebrows arched with anger, her eyes boring into Arizona's. Her gaze was cold and harsh. Arizona let out a deep sigh, looking down at her feet. The clamor of the spoon hitting the sink had woken Sofia who was loudly babbling from her nursery at the other side of the house. Arizona set down the mug of coffee, steeling herself for any comments that she might elicit from Callie and meeting her wife's dark, furious eyes.

"Calliope-"

Callie snorted once more, rolling her eyes dramatically and turning away from the love of her life angrily. Arizona had always been the only person besides her mother and father that called her by her full first name, Calliope. To everyone else, she was just Callie. She used to love that Arizona called her that but lately it had done nothing but piss her off and bring up once good memories that had been spoiled and made rotten and bitter by Arizona's affair. Arizona sighed once more, straightening her shoulders, holding back the tears that were on the verge of emerging from her eyes.

"You can't punish me for this forever. I'm so sorry. I messed up so badly, I know. I will do anything to make it up to you and make things right again. I... I love you. I love you so much. But you can't keep doing this. If you aren't going to forgive me then this won't work. Just give me another chance. I won't let you down, Calliope. I swear this time I mean it. What can I do to fix this?"

It had been a dreadfully long two weeks since Callie had discovered her wedding ring pinned to Lauren's scrub top. The scrub top that was actually Arizona's. It was true that she would do anything to make it up to her lovely Calliope but Arizona didn't know how much longer she could stand getting the cold shoulder and not a single kind word said to her everyday. Maybe it was just time to call it quits. The thought made Arizona's chest tighten and her throat constrict in an attempt to choke back more tears.

"Build a time machine?"

Callie didn't give Arizona time to say anything back and instead stomped away into Sofia's room, lifting her from her crib and putting on a fake smile for her daughter. She cooed happily to her, dressing her and preparing her for daycare. She then threw her own hair into a messy bun and dressed herself, storming furiously out of the apartment. The door slammed loudly behind her.

Arizona let out a sob, sinking to the floor, cradling her head and rocking herself gently back and forth. There was no-one she could talk to about her mistake, no-one who understand, no-one to listen. That was the worst part of it all. It had been a mistake for sure and she deeply regretted it but part of her still felt as if she was in the right. Callie had betrayed her. Her wishes had been to have any medical necessities taken as long as it meant she didn't have to lose her leg. And maybe that would have meant she would have died but Arizona didn't want to live with only one leg. Callie had promised she wouldn't lose the leg and her dear sweet Calliope had broken that promise. Sure, Arizona had broken a much more monumental promise; the promise of marriage. But to her, the promise that she wouldn't lose her leg was equally important. The loss of her leg had led her to feel ashamed of herself, like she was a freak. She couldn't stand strangers' judgmental and pity filled eyes boring into her on the street whenever her prosthetic was acting up in public. Even her friends and colleagues treated her differently.

And was it so bad to want to feel as if someone besides Callie wanted her, even with her missing leg? Maybe it was but Arizona couldn't help feeling that way. She couldn't make the deeply rooted feelings of resentment for her wife having made the decision to amputate her leg go away either. Those evil seeds had been planted the moment she woke up from the anesthesia and found she was missing her leg and they had since blossomed into a dark, twisted tree of anger, bitterness and resentment. At least Callie now had a matching tree.

Her own feelings were confusing her. She felt so conflicted. Callie had done things wrong as well. There had been mistakes on both ends, not just her own. Confusion swirled within her mind everyday like whirlpool. She regretted it without a doubt. A couple hours of not thinking and just losing herself in someone else had not been worth the hurt she had caused Callie, nor the drama she had brought upon herself. Yet at the same time, part of her felt as if Callie almost deserved it for letting her down. She was torn, confused. She didn't know exactly how she felt most days but she did at least know that it wasn't worth losing Callie, no matter how good it had been and now matter how much pent up emotion she held for Callie. Some days the regret won her over and some days the resentment won. Arizona Robbins was a hurricane of thoughts and emotion and the only thing for sure was that she knew she would never figure herself out.

Arizona lifted herself off the cold tile floor, no longer allowing herself to wallow in her sadness and confusion, using the counter as leverage to raise herself to a standing position. She readied herself for another day with the tiny humans at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, the knowledge that there would be another fight to come sometime before the day ended weighing heavy on her heart.


	2. Chapter 2

The day had been fairly uneventful for both Callie and Arizona. They had their now routine early morning fight and there was nothing out of the ordinary surgery wise going on either. A premature birth and a young girl who had managed to swallow sixteen tiny legos were all Arizona had to deal with. Callie had had to pop a shoulder back in place and put a sling on a man who had fallen down two flights of stairs and broken his collarbone. They had become experts at avoiding each other at work, a feat that was no easy task considering the hectic conditions they often worked in.

Today, however, a twelve year old boy who had broken both a leg and an arm in a skateboarding accident inevitably brought them together. Callie did her best not to meet Arizona's eyes while they spoke to the boy's parents. She feared if she got lost in Arizona's eyes as she had so many times before, she might melt like she usually did and cave and forgive her too easily. She didn't want Arizona to think that this was okay, that she wasn't damaged possibly irreparably. Her other fear was that if she got lost in those crystal blue eyes for too long, she might become furious again and unable to work with her.

"Todd is going to be on his way in just a couple hours and he can have his casts removed in six to eight weeks. Dr. Torres here will make him good as new. She's the best."

Arizona was always cheerful with worried parents and nervous, scared children. She had to be. It was a part of the job. Callie nodded in agreement, forcing another smile. She didn't think she'd truly smiled since she found out. It was as if Arizona's unfaithfulness had sucked all of the happiness and joy out of her. Together they wheeled the boy back to an operating room where they would be attaching the casts. Arizona stared at Callie until she had no choice but to look up and lock eyes with her.

"We need to talk,"

She mumbled under her breath, knowing that Callie would understand her even with her lowered tone of voice. Callie gritted her teeth, forcing her facial expression to remain normal. She let her eyes settle on Todd, their patient, smiling at him, faking joy.

"So Todd! You're going to get two super cool casts to mend those bones of yours. All your friends can sign them. You'll be the talk of the school! You can tell all your friends you broke them pulling off an awesome trick."

Todd grinned excitedly and launched into an in depth explanation of exactly how he'd broken them. Both Callie and Arizona nodded and interjected with 'ooh's' and 'ahhh's' and a 'how cool!' here and there, keeping up their joyous facade. Upon reaching the operating room, Arizona piped up.

"Okay, Todd. We're going to put the casts on really soon. Any color requests? We can do both of them the same color or two different colors."

Todd looked thoughtful for a moment, mulling over his decisions. Arizona saw the exact moment when his eyes lit up and a smile crept to his face. Seeing the happiness and innocence in children was her favorite part of her job.

"I want the one on my arm to be green and the one on my leg to be blue!"

He chimed, his body wiggling a bit with his excitement. Callie prepared the casts and together they fitted them to the boy. As they were wheeling him back out to his mother in a navy blue wheel chair, Arizona broached the topic again.

"Calliope, we really need to talk."

Callie continued pushing the wheel chair, practically plastering the smile to her face, though Arizona could see that it was beginning to falter and turn into more of a grimace.

"We will later, maybe. We're at work, in case you haven't noticed."

Her words were clipped and short, her tone harsh as she whispered back to her wife. Arizona nodded almost imperceptibly, the corners of her mouth tugging down a bit in a frown. They returned Todd to his mother, explaining things that would need to be done and when he would need to come back in for a check up and cast removal. They then went their separate ways, parting until it was time to pick up Sofia from daycare and head home for the night.

Arizona was on pick up duty that night. Calliope had already headed home for the night with the promise of picking up Chinese food for dinner. Truthfully, Arizona was a little shocked that Callie was still making sure they both ate. It made her hopeful. Callie wasn't just abandoning her to fend for herself and she hadn't kicked her out... yet. The threat was still always there, looming over their heads like an enormous storm cloud that could strike with lightning at any moment. It was the little things that gave Arizona hope that their marriage was still salvageable, like Callie asking how her leg was doing, buying dinner for the both of them and sharing the coffee in the morning. Baby steps, she had to remind herself. Baby steps.

Arizona held Sofia tightly in her arms, making small talk with her daughter, her baby bag slung over the shoulder that wasn't helping to support Sofia. On the way out the large, automatic glass doors, she caught sight of a familiar face in her peripherals. She had to do a double take just to be certain. There was Lauren Boswell sitting on a bench outside of the hospital, watching the doors attentively. Arizona quickly looked down, talking to Sofia more in an attempt to avoid having to speak to Lauren. She knew she wasn't going to catch a break tonight when Lauren stood as Arizona strode briskly past. The other woman quickly matched Arizona's pace, easily keeping up with her.

"Arizona, it's so good to see you again!"

Arizona chuckled nervously, rolling her eyes, not allowing herself even one sideways glance at Lauren. She nodded, inhaling deeply. The pit of her stomach churned with guilt and anxiousness.

"Yeah, yeah. What are you... why are you back?"

Arizona's words were short and hasty. She was in a rush to remove herself from the situation. She had no desire to speak to Lauren. Half of her feared that she would discover that they still had the same spark that they did before and what would she do then? And if Callie knew...

_Oh God, Callie!_

The realization dawned on Arizona like a destructive wave cresting and battering the side of a dock. Callie was the wave, more like a tsunami really, and Arizona was the dock. Callie was at home waiting with dinner and she had finally sort of agreed that they would talk tonight. Why was it that whenever Lauren was near, all of her thoughts of Callie seemed to go right out of the window? She breathed deeply, increasing the speed of her walk, shaking her head to clear her mind of any unwelcome thoughts. Lauren smiled coyly, aware of the nervous state she was putting Arizona in.

"Dr. Hunt wants me as an attending. I was just checking out the hospital again, trying to see what's in town that might be enticing enough for me to stay."

Lauren's voice was husky and low, her eyebrows raised suggestively, a smirk playing on the corners of her lips. Arizona laughed nervously, thankful that her car was already in sight. She fumbled for her car keys in the front pocket of her jeans. She unlocked her car, setting Sofia in her car seat and fastening the harnesses securely. She turned back around to find Lauren's face tauntingly close to hers. It was almost enough to cause Arizona to jump. Her eyes went wide with fear as she attempted to sidle away.

"Yeah? Well that's good. I hope you like the town and the hospital. Seattle is great, really just great. But I have dinner at home so I should... I have to go."

Lauren brushed her hand against Arizona's lightly, teasing her. Arizona recoiled, flinching her hand back but the damage had already been done. The single touch sent Arizona's nerves wild, like an explosion of sparks that started in her hand and traveled through the rest of her body. Lauren's smirk was really starting to piss Arizona off, no matter how much she may have liked her.

"Enjoy your dinner. Maybe I'll call you or text you sometime... I still have your number."

Lauren winked, turning and looking back at Arizona as she walked away until Arizona settled herself into her car, her hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, her knuckles a pale, fleshy white. She breathed deeply to herself for a few moments, closing her eyes and allowing her body and muscles to finally relax. Lauren created a tenseness in her that she wasn't particularly fond of. She counted to ten before inserting the key into the ignition and turning it.

"Ready to go home and see mommy, Sofia? She got us dinner."

Sofia gurgled happily, slurping on her own fingers. Arizona smiled at her adorable daughter as she backed cautiously out of the parking space. She filled her head with thoughts of Callie as she drove home. Callie's smile, Callie's laugh, Callie's body, sex with Callie, kissing Callie, Callie's little quirks that she loved so much. Anything to take her mind off of Lauren and the events that had just occurred.

Author's Note: There may have been Lauren and Arizona this chapter but there will be more Calzona next. All is not lost for them so don't give up yet!


	3. Chapter 3

The door to the apartment swung open as Arizona stepped in with Sofia clutching two of Arizona's fingers and toddling after her. Callie was sitting on the couch, which had become Arizona's bed for the last two weeks, with an assortment of various Chinese foods sprawled out on the coffee table. She looked up as the door clicked shut. She stared at Arizona for just a moment though it wasn't a mean look, like Arizona had become accustomed to. This look was softer, not as harsh. There was still anger in her gaze though it was as if some of it had melted away. Arizona grinned, happy at this development and sat Sofia's baby bag down on the counter just as Sofia went running up to Callie, launching herself into her mother's arms.

Arizona sat down, grabbing one of the oriental designed boxes of food and digging in. Together they fed Sofia rice and small bits of chicken before Callie put her to bed in her room. She returned to the living room, taking a seat next to Arizona on the couch. She clicked the TV off as Arizona set down her food. There were a few moments of awkward silence, neither of them knowing what to say to break it comfortably. Callie spoke first.

"You said we need to talk?"

Her eyebrows were arched a bit but she was doing her best to keep a handle on her roiling anger. What Arizona had said that morning had been right. She couldn't keep punishing her and to move forward from this, there would have to be forgiveness and honesty or else there was no point in continuing to torture themselves. Arizona nodded, gulping, weighing her words carefully.

"Yeah, we do. I know that what I did wasn't okay. Not at all. I do know that. But there's a part of me that almost justifies it because... I trusted you not to amputate my leg. And you did. You trusted me... and I broke that trust."

Callie exhaled loudly, closing her eyes for a moment and counting slowly in her head in an attempt to soothe herself and keep her rage under control. _One, two, three... _Things always seemed to come back to Arizona's goddamn leg. _Four, five, six..._ As if that was an _acceptable _reason for cheating. As if there was _any_ acceptable reason for cheating. _Seven, eight, nine..._ Callie reminded herself that she had to at least try to be considerate of Arizona's feelings. Not that Arizona had been very considerate of hers when she slept with another woman. _Ten._ Callie finished counting, opening her eyes to meet Arizona's worried features.

"It's always the leg, isn't it? You would have _died_, Arizona. Would you rather have left Sofia and I? You would rather have just left us all alone? Mark is gone. She's already lost one parent. I did what I did to save your life. You broke my heart as some sort of spiteful, sick revenge. Well congratulations, because it worked."

Arizona breathed in deep, mulling over Callie's words. It was true, the infection in her leg would have killed her. She was already crashing when Callie had had to decide. Mark hadn't been lost at that point but Callie was right. If she had died, Callie would have been left as a single mother. A single surgeon mother at that. For the first time, she tried to step into her wife's shoes. _What would I have done? _She asked herself, chewing on her lower lip thoughtfully, her gaze fixed on Callie's fingers. The answer came to her almost immediately. Had it been Callie with an infected leg and had her darling Calliope been placed in a life or leg situation, Arizona would have made the call to have it amputated. She nodded once to herself, taking a few deep breaths.

"You're... you're right, Calliope. If it had been you in the hospital, I would have had your leg removed as well. It isn't right of me to keep punishing you. I told you you can't keep punishing me but I've had over a year to get over this. And now I realize that I would have done the same if it was you. I can't lose you, Calliope. I want to fix this, I want to make things right."

Callie's eyebrows raised in shock. She hadn't been expecting Arizona to finally admit that she was in the wrong. She breathed out a sigh of relief, her chest suddenly feeling lighter and more hopeful that they really could fix this. Their marriage wasn't lost, as long as they were willing to both forgive and regrow their broken trust. Callie lowered her eyes to Arizona's pale hands, debating with herself whether or not she should reach out and grasp her wife's fingers for the first time in weeks. Her hand slowly crept across the couch as if it had a mind of it's own. She laid her hand flat on top of Arizona's, raising her eyes to gaze into the blue ones that met her own. A minuscule smile hinted on her mouth. It was small, almost imperceptible even, but it was real and it was there.

"Okay. Then I'm done punishing you if you're done punishing me. I don't forgive you yet but we'll work on it. I certainly don't trust you again either but that will come in time. We can do this, Arizona."

Arizona nodded in agreement, beaming happily. She laced her fingers with Callie's, scooting just a bit closer, her eyes locked with her wife's. She was struck with the sudden urge to kiss her for the first time in two weeks. Her head tilted sideways a bit, her lips parting as if to beckon Callie to them. Callie closed the few inches between their mouths, their lips locking in their first kiss in weeks. It was passionate, filled with longing and the beginnings of forgiveness. Arizona reached up with the hand that was not holding Callie's, cupping the side of Callie's face gently, caressing it.

The kiss sent shivers down Arizona's spine, ignited a blazing fire within, rekindling flames that had begun to die out so long before. Arizona hadn't felt this much raw emotion, desire, passion and love in a kiss they had shared since before the accident. It felt like finally admitting to herself that she was in the wrong and realizing that had it been Callie dying in a hospital bed, she would have done the same, removed a gigantic weight from her chest, filling her with a renewed sense of love, trust and desire for her wife.

Callie pulled away first. Her barely noticeable smile had grown into a full fledged grin that stretched the corners of her lips way up, crinkled her eyes and made them shine, and lifted her cheeks cheerfully. Her smile matched Arizona's, who was beaming widely, her cheeks beginning to hurt from the width of her smile. It was the kind of smile that made a person appear to be glowing. It began to slip, however, as Lauren seeped back into her mind. There was no doubt in Arizona's mind that Calliope was who she wanted. Callie was her wife, her best friend and her most trusted confidante. She looked down, her beam fading, the radiant glow draining from her face.

"What? What's wrong?"

Callie caught Arizona's brief slip in joy and her face fell as well. She squeezed Arizona's hand tightly and reassuringly, patiently waiting for her wife to speak. Arizona sighed, looking back up into Callie's gorgeous eyes.

"Lauren. When I was bringing Sofia home, she was outside the hospital and Dr. Hunt wants her as an attending. She's thinking about staying and she followed me all the way to my car. I tried to walk fast and just avoid her and focus on Sofia. We need to get my number changed too."

Callie slowly withdrew her fingers from Arizona's, a sense of sorrow and anger settling back in inside of her. Her somber eyes flashed with fury once more. Her stomach rolled and for a moment she was sure she was going to vomit. She composed herself, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"So did you tell her to go back to where she came from and no-one wants her here? Tell me you did. Did you tell her she's a whore and you're a married woman who's trying to fix a marriage that SHE helped break? We are definitely getting your number changed. Tomorrow before work. And I'm going to talk to Hunt. He can't... He can't let that woman work at OUR hospital. Why weren't we spoken to about this? He may be chief of surgery and... Avery! I bet Avery knew. We're calling a board meeting tomorrow. We don't need another plastic surgeon. Avery is good enough. We'll get a different attending but she is not working at our hospital."

She had begun to ramble, her words running together angrily. Arizona reached out, taking Callie's hand again and squeezing it lightly in a futile attempt to calm her.

"I didn't... obviously I don't want her working there. I was trying to just get out of there as fast as possible. You had dinner waiting and I didn't want to start a fight with her or have to go over reasons why she shouldn't work at our hospital while I was holding Sofia. It didn't seem right. If she's there tomorrow, I will talk to her and tell her to stay at her hospital or find somewhere else. I'm so sorry, Calliope."

Callie nodded, her lips pursed, her stomach still churning uncomfortably. Arizona chewed on her lip, pulling the skin off worriedly, hoping this wouldn't mess up the tremendous progress that they had both made tonight. She surveyed Callie's facial expression carefully. Her eyes were closed, her lips tightly together, with slight lines wrinkling her smooth forehead. Callie's eyes fluttered open once more and she forced a smile on her face.

"I forgive you. It isn't your fault. I mean, it sort of is but I understand. But I mean it, Arizona, if you don't talk to her tomorrow and tell her to leave, we're going to be right back where we started. I don't want her anywhere near you, ever. And I want to be there when you talk to her!"

Arizona nodded, suppressing a yawn with the back of her hand. She gave Callie's hand one comforting squeeze. Callie chuckled slightly at Arizona's yawn, though she was feeling a bit drowsy herself. She stood, still holding onto Arizona's hand so that she would rise with her. Arizona's brow furrowed in confusion. If Callie was going to bed, why wasn't she just leaving her here?

"I think it's bedtime, Arizona. But you can sleep in our bed tonight, if you want."

Arizona's resplendent smile returned in full force. Her chest swelled with happiness and she couldn't help but lean over and plant a soft kiss on Calliope's cheek.

"I want to."

Callie grinned, leading Arizona to their bedroom by her hand. They settled into bed together once Arizona's fake leg was removed. Arizona was so grateful to be under their luxuriously large, warm comforter once more and to not have to spend another uncomfortable night on the couch. The night was made even better when Callie wrapped her arms around Arizona's waist, holding her loosely. She knew it must have been hard for Callie to slip into their old ways once more, especially when she still didn't forgive nor trust her yet.

"Calliope?"

Callie closed her eyes, reveling in the sweetness of the moment. There was still plenty of anger towards Arizona and plenty of distrust but she had missed holding her wife while they fell asleep together. She had missed sleeping with the love of her life, she had missed burying her nose in Arizona's luscious blonde hair and breathing in her delightful scent. She had missed passionate kisses and their fingers being interlocked. She wasn't quite sure she was ready to forgive her yet but if it meant she could have all this back, it was certainly a a price she was willing to pay.

"Yeah?"

Arizona traced her fingers gently around Callie's soft arms, smiling contentedly. She hadn't felt this lovely in such a long time. Since before she lost her leg. She tried to push all thoughts of her leg out of her mind, not wanting any old feelings of bitterness to resurface.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Arizona."

Arizona sighed happily, pleased that Callie had returned her feelings. She hadn't been sure she would say it back. She didn't even expect her to, really. There were many things to worry about but Arizona had realized long ago that you had to deal with things when they come. Worrying did no good for anyone. Tomorrow would bring with it it's own challenges but for tonight, Arizona just wanted to bask in the love that was reseeding itself in both of them and drift off in Callie's arms.

Author's note: I know most of you don't like to see Lauren but she's going to be in the next chapter, though things will get back to Calzona soon enough. Thank you for reading and enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

It's funny how our conscious works. There's three levels: the conscious, everything you are currently thinking and feeling and aware that you are thinking and feeling. Then there's the semiconscious, feelings and thoughts that you are only partially aware of. And lastly, the unconscious. Feelings and thoughts you have that you aren't aware of at all. The things our minds allow us to feel and think and experience are odd things. The way you can feel happy but be struggling with deep seated childhood issues at the same time puzzles many. Imagine your last thoughts before you drift off to sleep, or the last scent you are aware of that greets your nose or the last sound that reverberates in your eardrums. Often, they are frivolous thoughts, smells and sounds. Nothing particularly striking or worth remembering. When your semiconscious seeps into your brain during your sleep, however, it can be unsettling. Callie twisted in bed, unable to shake the image of Lauren and Arizona together from her unconscious mind.

The cacophonous racket of the alarm clock roused the two women sleeping soundly in the bed. Arizona sat up, stifling a yawn. The digital red letters on the alarm clock to her left read 5:00 AM. That gave herself and Callie one hour to get both themselves and Sofia ready. One hour was sufficient time for them, however. Callie groaned, her hand smacking the button to turn off the incessant beeping noise the alarm clock was emitting, glad to be pulled from the nightmare she had been having. She sat up, stretching her arms out behind her back, twisting around to make the bones in her back pop. Her groggy eyes met Arizona's and she gave her a halfhearted, sleepy grin. Callie forced the bitter feelings that were welling up in her semiconscious down, not willing to let them surface in her conscious and ruin the progress that she and Arizona had made the night before. She padded sleepily to the kitchen to prepare a pot of coffee.

Arizona swung her one good leg over the edge of the bed, hastily attaching her prosthetic before joining Callie in the kitchen for early morning coffee and a bagel or pastry. A sort of awkwardness hung heavy in the air between them, holding their tongues and confusing their brains, leaving both of them unsure of what to do or say. Arizona sugared her coffee, pondering what to say, how to break the tension between them.

"So I'm going to go into work a little late so I can stop at the phone store and get my number changed. I'll call Hunt and let him know. Do you want me to bring Sofia in with me or do you want to bring her?"

"Yeah, you can bring Sofia to daycare this morning. I'll talk to Hunt about not hiring Lauren when I get to work. Text me when you get your new number?"

Arizona nodded, smiling reassuringly. She planted a kiss on Callie's cheek on her way to Sofia's bedroom. Callie smiled at Arizona's kiss, finishing her coffee and placing the cup gently in the sink. She dressed, listening to Arizona chatting with Sofia in the next room, smiling to herself. No matter how much Arizona may not have wanted a child and no matter how badly she may mess up, she was always great with Sofia and a wonderful mother, no matter the state of their relationship or how chaotic things at work may be. It was one of Arizona's best characteristics, in Callie's opinion. She finished dressing and throwing her hair up into a quick ponytail and stepped into the room, beaming at the sight of Arizona happily bouncing Sofia in her arms and Sofia shrieking with joy and laughter.

"Hey, I'm leaving for work now. Call or text me when you get your new number."

She stepped towards her wife and her daughter, kissing Sofia's head and ruffling up her thick, dark hair. She brushed her lips against Arizona's once quickly and then turned, making her way out of their apartment. Arizona sat Sofia in front of the tv, setting her down with a bowl of cheerios and flipping on the early morning cartoons to occupy her daughter while she got ready for the day. She was soon ready and lifted Sofia into her arms, carrying her dutifully out to the car and fastening her into her seat. Dark clouds were beginning to loom overhead and she could see ominous flashes of brilliant lightning in the distance. She started the car, driving carefully once raindrops began to fall and splatter on her windshield. They quickly increased in force, reaching a downpour of torrential proportions in just minutes. There was still a good ten minutes until she reached the store and Arizona was used to driving in the moody Seattle weather but something about it today gave her a bad feeling in her gut.

The trees outside of the car swayed scarily, their branches swishing and their foliage ripping off and blowing past Arizona's car in the wind. Sofia was beginning to cry in the backseat from the booming of thunder and bright flashes of lightning that followed. Her face was red and splotchy. Arizona spoke calmly to her, not looking back to give her a comforting smile. She didn't dare take her eyes off of the road. Suddenly, lightning crackled a few feet from the car, striking a large tree and sending it crashing to the ground. Arizona saw what was going to happen, her pulse quickening with adrenaline as she jerked the steering wheel to the side in an attempt to swerve off of the road. Her actions were futile as the large tree came down on the windshield of the car with a tremendous smack, it's towering branches smashing through the windshield and sending shards of glass flying. The bulk of it crushed the hood of the car. The air bag in the drivers seat billowed out a fraction of a second too late as Arizona's body flew forward, her skull connecting with the steering column, her seat belt snapping her back as the air bag exploded into life, preventing another collision.

The hazard lights on the car flashed. Drops of chilly water pattered Arizona's skin, keeping her conscious for a few more moments. They mixed with the blood that dripped from her head, diluting it. She raised a weak hand to her head, gathering the blood in her fingers and smearing it between them confusedly. Her cell phone lit up and vibrated in the cup holder. Her ears didn't appear to be working properly. There was a piercing, blood curdling scream from somewhere but it sounded distant and distorted, as if she was hearing it underwater. For a moment, her disoriented brain thought it was her own screaming but she realized no sound was coming from her mouth. Her last thought before she lost consciousness was just a simple name. _Sofia._

__It's funny how the conscious works.

Author's Note: A much shorter chapter this time but next chapter will be deliciously long, I promise! Thank you again for reading. :)


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